{not so} perfect life

Not so long ago Jilly was at lunch with her high school girlfriends.  They chatted about kids, jobs, homes, and the conversation of "our blog" came up. One of them asked Jilly if our lives are really as perfect as they seem.....

Jilly came home and told me all about it and I was as confused as the first time I saw Gangnam Style.

Knowing the struggles I've had in my life and being close enough to Jilly to know some of hers, I couldn't believe anyone could possibly think our lives were perfect.

Then I began thinking.

It's true, sometimes I read {Jones Design Company} and see Emily's beautifully organized blog, her talent for creating beauty, her four adorable kids and handsome husband, and I'm left wondering why no one is paying me hundreds of dollars to design their blog or dying to make my handwriting into a font.  I'll head over to {Velvet and Linen} to check on designer Brooke Giannetti and her (architect) husband's dream home at Patina Farm, just to find myself wondering if there is any possible way I can come back in the next life as her chicken.

But then I re-remember the quote I saw in vinyl, hanging in my cousins kitchen.  I take a deep breath, grab a square of Ghirardelli Chocolate, and MOVE ON.

I made this quote into a printable 5 x 7 just in case you need a gentle reminder like I do.

-click on the image to print-

Jilly and I humbly realize we have been blessed with talents, we've thrown some pretty awesome parties, we have a LOT of fun together, we have an amazing circle of friends, we've gone on some fantastic trips together, completed many fabulous projects with {CP}, we have great families, we love to laugh, and we never tire of each other.  But we don't intend to give the illusion that any of it is perfect.

We want you to know we're two simple moms who want to infuse the blogging world with creativity and humor.  Just hoping to make a difference for good.    

And here's the truth about my life.  I've been going through something really hard over the past 18 months.  Remember the {Nino}?  We've had a cute, smart, funny, special little foster boy in our family for a year and a half and the things we've gone through to make him part of our forever family has been the biggest and most difficult challenge I've ever faced.

The unexpected twists and turns we've encountered as a family have been emotionally and mentally exhausting  in every way imaginable.  Some days I've hardly been able to get out of bed.  Sometimes I've cried so hard there were no tears left.  I've prayed more in the last 18 months than I have my whole life.  At times I've been rude to my husband and short with my teenage son, and sometimes when it's my turn to make a blog post, I want to take my computer and shove it up....*&!

I wish I could give you more details about the Nino, but for legal purposes, I can't.  Hopefully someday I can tell you his name, stop having to blur out his face on our blog, and share our story with you.  For now, we're in the trenches with our family, fighting for our family. 

I've learned a lot about myself during this trial and I've realized that even though I'm struggling with something really, really, hard, I can make a conscious effort to be happy by focusing on others needs, and finding joy in simple things.

Here are a few simple things that have made me happy through the Holidays.

Each night in December "Pepe" the elf surprised Nino with random acts of magic.  Sometimes it was a treat from Mrs. Clause at the North Pole and sometimes it was waking up to a toilet papered bathroom or nose as red as Rudolphs.  Coming up with a new idea 24 days in a row was completely exhausting, but seeing the big smile on his face every morning was completely worth it.

A few days before Christmas, we had the opportunity to prepare and take a meal to 30 homeless people.  We had taco salad with the works and sugar cookies for dessert.  Jilly snapped this picture of me and Marion.  Marion works for the traveling carnival and has been to every state in the US.  She'll be sleeping on the cold, hard, floor of this church with 30 other strangers until employment takes her elsewhere. 

This holiday season we were able to play "Secret Santa" for two families that belong to an amazing organization called Singleton Moms.  Both of these mothers are single moms, both of them battling cancer.  They have jobs, kids, responsibilities, and juggle it all while fitting in chemo therapy appointments and doctors visits.  Truly amazing women.

This awesome group of people along with many others made it possible for us to make Christmas a little brighter for two families.  Our kids even worked for months before hand making and selling misc items so they could participate in the happy feeling that comes from helping others.   

One of the things that made me smile this Christmas was thinking about how much these two boys need each other and how different both of their lives have been for the past year and a half.

Together they made cookies for Santa on Christmas Eve.

Nino drew Tatum's name for the cousins gift exchange and we  had a great time making her a matching game.  It was so rewarding to hear her squeal with delight as she saw her cousin's faces on the cards, and asked if we could play it again and again. 

I found lots of joy carrying out holiday traditions, which of course includes the "Polar Bear Plunge" in the neighbors FREEZING COLD swimming pool.  This year the prize was a crisp 50 dollar bill for the one who could swim the most lengths.  Tatum's dad (my brother, Trevin) was pulled out of the pool on completion of his 50th just as his speech started to slur and his organs began to shut down.   I love our rediculously competitive family. 

I know that life is about growing and progressing and the best learning experiences come from personal trials and struggles. 

And I know for sure that there is always something beautiful waiting on the other side.